Any of you who know our story will know that before Christmas we told SD's alcoholic mum that any further contact between her and her daughter would only commence if mum came to our home to discuss things, following her lying about having cancer and then we found out she had alcoholic liver disease and (possibly) only a year to live if she didn't quit drinking. She came over, we talked, she denied she only had a year to live but did admit to ALD, and frankly looked awful. She's very very very skinny but her face is swollen and yellow. I'm no expert, but I'd say she's well into ALD, possibly entering the final stages (cirrhosis).
Anyway, mum failed to contact her daughter on Christmas Day, which led to anger and frustration, although not surprising. Anyway, on the Friday after Christmas we had to visit mum's home town to see my in-laws, and called round to see SD's mum too. She was welcoming, but stank of booze, house was filthy (can't have been cleaned for weeks), but it was relatively okay. SD didn't go near her mum but stayed close to me and her dad (she's 14 on Friday). We told mum about SD's parent's evening at school, which was last Wednesday, and asked if she'd like to come along. She said she would. So, on Monday I text her and reminded her about it, she text back and said she would love to be there. She came, and was on time, which was a real surprise. But, she stank of booze again and clearly struggled with walking around the school. SD was obviously embarassed and we felt awful for SD. Then after parent's evening we went back to our home. Mum was trying to hug SD, but SD was having none of it, and was actually quite distant from her mum, pushing her away etc. We didn't say anything, but after mum left SD admitted she'd been embarassed by her mum at the school, although all of her teachers know she's an alcoholic. SD was embarassed by how mum looks, and was angry she stank of booze.
Anyway, it's SD's birthday on Friday, and we invited mum over to see SD, which she has accepted, but SD doesn't appear to be too happy about it.
You see, the reason why we're doing this, after 10 years of battling with this ridiculous woman, is because we honestly don't believe she's got long left to live. Seriously. And we think that the only way to get mother and daughter to spend some time together in a safe environment (ie one where mum can't be caught drinking) is at our home. If mum died and SD hadn't seen her for a while, she would never forgive herself. But, it's so hard. It's hard for us having mum in our home, and it's even harder seeing SD push her mother away.
Are we doing the right thing? Another thing that kind of worries us is that all this could make mum more complacent as regards her drinking. I know only she can decide to become sober, and not seeing her daughter, losing her daughter and her son hasn't been enough to give her the kick up the bum she needs, but what if she thinks we accept her the way she is, therefore in some twisted way she can think to herself 'it's okay, I don't need to stop drinking because they're ok with me and I can see my daughter'. Does that make sense?
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